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Just a reminder to myself that worrying is not self care. It’s not caring for others either. Worrying is crutch and a weird form of self soothing. Worrying is what you do when you believe the time for correct action is past. Worrying is what you do because you don’t know how to go backward in time. And then you realize going forward, if you can muster the strength and figure out how, is the only way to go backward. All correct action is going home.

Looking up and down this road
I've been here before
Can't be here no more
-Jackson Browne, ‘I’m Alive’

I’ve been saying one day I’d come back. Days turned into years. Losses piled up like they do when you get older. The piles ‘for mending’ got taller, not smaller. I am miles past that first loss, the one I was sure would kill me. How angry I became when my older, more experienced friend told me I would live.

But she was right. And she continues to be right.

But how do you get back up?

Same way you eat and elephant I guess. One bite at a time. No perfect day is coming. No perfect time.

I am here. I’m alive.

“those dreams are dead”

But I’m alive.

Love this, more crazy cat men photographed by New York photographer David Williams. Such a great idea.

You gotta love this, there are some women in here, too, but it looks like it was the men who were cat crazy.

What I can't figure out is how they were able to leave books and papers and stuff out, cuz I sure can't. They tear up everything.

Just last week I was tired when I got home from the market, and I left my fresh vegetables still in the plastic bags I carried them home in, on the kitchen floor, and took a nap

When I woke up and went in the kitchen my eggplants, broccoli, and carrots were everywhere. They had literally clawed and kicked at my eggplants like they were toys. They have scratch marks all over them.

They also stand over the stove while I am cooking, while I am doing dishes. They climb in every cabinet and door I open. They open my drawers and pull out my paint tubes. They pull all the stuff off I have pinned to the refrigerator and tear it to tiny pieces.

"Newark, Ohio, and Niagara Falls, NY are two cities with a few similarities and with many differences. The cities are so different it would be pointless to make comparisons, but for the fact that in January 2015 both cities found themselves beset by pit bull problems. The problems these two cities are currently confronting are echoed across the country; how they resolve these problems may be instructive for dozens of other cities in the near future."
- SRUV

Read more:

Sudden, Random, Unprovoked, and Violent: Pit Bulls in a Humane Society, Newark and Niagara

Sometimes people do evil because they mean to. Sometimes people do evil because they stumble. Either way the Orthodox Church teaches us they are sick.

That's why throwing the word evil around is risky business for us. The Church welcomes the sick.

We are taught to pray for people who are sick. We try to steer them back on the right path. We remember we stumble and are sick also.

However, we do not call sickness wellness, or wellness sickness. This also would be to stumble.

We live in that tension. Tension is what most people are trying to escape with the distractions of the world, with ideologies that settle everything for them and in fact become religions that trump even their Christianity.

In the mind of one stumbling, liberalism, and any -ism, will trump Christ. It must, because it bows to the idol of an ideology.

Christ is not an idea. The Truth is not an idea. Love is not an idea.

Love is someone. Love is Christ. Love is Christ in the incarnation.

It is liberalism and dog fighting that is responsible for the suffering of pit bulls, and has caused the need for BSL.

People believe it is hate that has caused the problem. People believe it is close mindedness that has caused the problem.

But it is not. Well meaning people and not so well meaning people who both stumble over the Truth, they have caused the problem.

The real victims are the innocent. Pit bulls and the victims of their sudden, random, unprovoked, and violent attacks are the innocent victims of these sick well meaning, and not so well meaning people.

There is nothing beautiful about ignorance. There is nothing beautiful about a dog whose gut has been ripped open by a pit bull and has been disembowelled. There is nothing beautiful about a child whose eyeball has been found clear across the room, who has been scalped, and lay dead in a pool of blood because of a pit bull.

But ideologies caused this. Even dog fighters did not cause this. They bred the dogs, yes. They selected for the genes, yes. They created the Frankenstein, yes, but they did not bring it into our homes and neighbourhoods where it could kill our children, our elderly, our trusting pets. Liberalism did that. Soccer moms and dads did that.

I believe in liberality, but I will never be a Liberal.

The truth always speaks for itself. Christ is no -ism. Love never ignores sickness. Christ never ignored the sick. Christ never ignored the truth.

The innocent are dying every day and people stand smugly behind their ideologies, ignore it is happening, and encourage more of it to happen. This is a sickness and we must pray for them and not stand silent.

Animals depend upon us to care for them. Animals depend upon us to make this world a safe place for them to live.

What Is Love In The Spiritual Life - The Law of the Spirit - Ancient Faith Radio

http://www.ancientfaith.com/video/lawofthespirit/what_is_love_in_the_spiritual_life#.VNY1FFKtF5I.link

I did this painting last year and I am just getting it up. I have so many different versions of it, on different color grounds, and at various stages of development.

I remember I had something in my mind when I drew this, some leitmotif, but I can't remember what it was. I wish I did. I am almost always working with a new idea in mind, trying something new. Even when I try not to do that, I end up doing it anyway. I can't contain myself --- what would happen if? It turns out that that is why I draw, for the sheer delight of discovery. To just make a picture with nothing else in mind but to use all I know and have learned to try and make the best picture I can just doesn't interest me. The dynamism of something alive and new that I can't label and don't understand interests me.

God is never the same. He's a person par excellence. . People are never the same, every day they are different. I don't want to freeze life. I want to be in the picture, alive in it, discovering, wondering, falling down and getting up, and learning. The visual of living interests me, not executing.

Well, if I feel the need to answer that question it indicates some sensitivity to begin with.

People who know me would understand right away, but when you are presenting and selling your artwork amongst a sea of artists who don't know you, and many of whom think they already know it all, it becomes a sensitive subject.

And thinking we already know it all, really is part of my subject matter, as much are cats and composition and color and jagged lines and crude geo-organic shapes, and this exactly is what I mean by content. My paintings are not just about cats, and the savvy and the pure will get this immediately. The worldly wise and the impure will not.

On the other hand, if you really don't understand, I could go on a long time about it because the why interests me, too. The why is at the core of something very basic to my soul, which is, a certain basicness, and it is in the pudding of what I believe good art should be.

Am I saying good art should be MSPaint? No. But what I am saying is that good art understands the connection between media and content. Saying what you are saying in a way that compliments the what of what you are saying. Good writers know this. All the great artists I admire know this, or it comes naturally to them, which gets back to sensibility, which I am always harping on, and which I also think is essential in good art, even more importantly in great art. It's even nicer in life.

There is a connection between media and subject and when you can identify it and the two become so intertwined they become married and identify with one another, it's a great accomplishment indeed. That's the challenge, no matter the media. There is a connection between how you make something within your chosen media and the style that emerges and what you have to say in general.

This is the jumping off point. After you have studied, whether you are self taught or you have been educated in art, it doesn't really matter, at some point you will have learned enough to want to stop studying as a full time endeavour and start using what you have learned to say something deep within your heart, that is, you will be ready to jump off, make the leap, try to marry your skills with meaning and subject.

But it is hard to explain, to put into words, which is why I guess some of us paint things we can't say. Still, though, challenging it is to try, and I love a good challenge. Especially when people think it is beneath them.

And that is part of it too. I love retrieving what people think is beneath them. Picking up the thing they think is not worthy of them. I hope to express my faith in humility with this, not my own, certainly, because humility is a great virtue I don't possess. But I believe it is deeply connected to beauty, and I believe in it, and it is something I work toward, and want to possess.

Does that mean I think one must draw crudely to express humility? No, but it is one way, and a way that appeals to me.

MSPaint is a simple and basic program even a child could use, but I don't think anyone with a huge ego would or could pick it up as a permanent media, because of the fear they might be immediately dismissed by the others they want to impress, which is where the wisdom of using it comes in for me. I don't want to impress people, and I don't want people who want or need to be impressed as my audience. That's important to me. It mirrors my faith, where we are instructed to be as innocent as doves and as wise as serpents, where we are encouraged to care more what God thinks than what people think.

People who want to be impressed and to impress will not spread my message or get anything out of it. But for those struggling with it, I hope it is an encouragement.

Purity, simplicity, basicness, and yet, the depth of true beauty to explore, free to anyone, like the Gospel. I find this all in MSPaint.

We as artists really need to be able to say it all with whatever is available to us. Whether it is a complex studio or a piece of charcoal and a rock we have before us, to be able to say the truth about beauty still, is the challenge. Pretty is not the same as beautiful. Pretty would not describe my crucified Lord. But beautiful would, and there is nothing deeper I have discovered than this understanding of beauty to explore. There is also nothing more simple. It is, for me, the Pearl of Great Price.

Now I hope I don't sound like a know it all or didactic. But I have been doing this a long time, searching for that elusive thing I have found in all the artworks I love. It has been a life's work, so I do hope at this point I have something to say about it, and that I have some right now to speak with some conviction about it, without being obnoxious. I do hope this very much.

When I was young and used to dance, a crank caller, perhaps a pervert, yes, probably that, called up the dance studio where I studied, and one of the older girls picked up the phone. She was a natural. She was quite accomplished as well. He asked her if she had nice legs. I will never forget how surprised I was at her answer. So much so I have remembered it all these years. She said, "I hope so. I am a dancer."

Why MSPaint? I guess in the end the message I hope to get across is that beauty and truth are not exclusive. They are a part of and available to all of us to share in. Whether you are wise or whether you are simple, the truth, if it is not available to all of us, if its love excludes anyone, is not the truth. It's us who reject the truth, not the truth who reject us. We are not closed out, we close ourselves out.

There are other practical reasons I use MSPaint and why I choose this digital medium over finger painting or a pencil and paper, because those can be simple mediums, too. For one, all the cats in my house, for another cost of materials. But also because digital mediums are current, and yet MSPaint is one of the oldest and outdated. That's good for me. It's just when we are throwing something out that it peaks my interest and has my full attention. We live in a digital age. In order to make sense of simplicity in the current context, and make an impact, which I would like to do, I think showing we can still have this simplicity and explore this essence of beauty with something already thrown aside in this fast changing digital age is important, and also becomes part of the content of my work. Crudely though it might be understood now. The truth sails through the centuries. It toots its quiet horn no matter the era, and sometimes it even tears history in two. Truth is regenerative. It cannot die, no matter how much we turn our back on it or deny it or how complex we make our daily lives.

So I have touched on a lot of things. I can't say it all here, or I will lose your attention, and I have cats to tend to. I will instead revisit the subject hopefully in the future. But it is an interesting subject for me, and I am glad someone brought it up in the forum.

I just received this news on Facebook. It's the best news I could ever get. I feel like I can die in peace now. People are going to carry on after we are gone, and do good deeds for the animals, and teach the world about good stewardship. I have always felt like the Ancient Church, my Church, was the place to start. I am so happy the Cyprus Voice for Animals made that start. This needs to happen in Greece, in Romania, in Russia, in Serbia, in all old Orthodox countries.

"�nnouncement
Church of Cyprus And Animal Cruelty On July 27, 2014, CVA President Mary Anastasi, Secretary Stella Stylianou and spokesman Mr. Dinos Agiomammitis, visited Bishop Isaiah at the Bishopric of Tamasou and Pera Orinis. Accompanying us was Mrs. Christina Nellist who arranged the meeting and who has been striving for animal protection for many years. Fearing the possible reluctance of the Church to tackle matters concerning animal welfare, a subject that is not popular and many times unpleasant, we were doubtful that this visit would prove otherwise. It was indeed a great and wonderful surprise to hear Bishop Isaiah�s affirmation that animals are part of God�s creation and that any cruelty or abuse to animals is a sin. We particularly welcomed the news that the status of an animal's souls has nothing to do with the way they should be treated which is will love and compassion. We left the meeting with the best impressions and hopes that the Church will finally embrace animals. We were asked to write a letter to the Holy Synod, explaining the current animal welfare problems and asked the Church to address the people on the subject of animal cruelty. On September 24, 2014 we received a letter from the Holy Synod, dated September 15, 2014, pledging that the Church of Cyprus will remind its Christian followers, of the proper way of treating animals! This news is indeed an historic and positive step and one we have all been striving to achieve. We believe that the involvement and guidance of the Church in matters of animal welfare and protection will, if the followers of Christ truly listen, bring desired changes in attitudes and to an end to unorthodox practices. We await with excitement to hear the so-long awaited announcement. We would like to thank Bishop Isaiah for his most warm welcome and of course his positive traditional views regarding animals and their welfare, as well as his willingness to present this subject to the Holy Synod. Of course we wholeheartedly thank Christina Nellist, theologian and presbytera, for her involvement in bringing clarity on the Church's teachings on this important subject. CYPRUS VOICE FOR ANIMALS"

Yippee!

"For the first time, young artists voluntarily want to start on the second market," he said referring to auctions, as opposed to galleries, which are known in the art world as the first market.

"It's a real revolution. The two markets are in the process of merging."